Pronouns and 你 vs 您

Chinese pronouns are simple. The same word is used for the subject and the object, so “I” and “me” are both 我 (wǒ), and verbs don't change after them. Add 们 (men) to make a plural. For “my”, “your” and so on, add 的 (de): 我的 (wǒ de, my), 你的 (nǐ de, your).

他 (he), 她 (she) and 它 (it) are all said tā; only the character is different, and in speech the context tells you who is meant. 它 is for animals and things, but it's rare: Chinese usually just leaves “it” out.

咱们 (zánmen) also means “we”, but always includes the person you're talking to. It's common in northern China.

们 makes a plural only with pronouns and some words for people: 我们 (wǒmen, we), 朋友们 (péngyoumen, friends), 同学们 (tóngxuémen, classmates). With nouns for people it is optional: you hear it most when speaking to a group, as in 同学们好 (tóngxuémen hǎo), or when talking about a group everyone knows, as in 孩子们 (háizimen, the children).

Most nouns have no plural form at all: 一个苹果 (yí ge píngguǒ, one apple), 三个苹果 (sān ge píngguǒ, three apples). 们 is never used with things, and never after a number: “three teachers” is 三个老师 (sān ge lǎoshī), not 三个老师们.

Chinese has two words for “you”. 你 (nǐ) is the everyday word: use it with friends, family, children, and colleagues and neighbours of about your age. 您 (nín) shows respect: use it with older people, with customers, and in formal situations. Staff in shops, hotels and cafés say 您 to their customers.

您 is a sign of good manners, not of coldness. With an older stranger, 您好 (nín hǎo) is always a safe greeting. Among young people and friends, 你 is normal and friendly, and 您 would sound stiff.

For more than one person, say 你们 (nǐmen), even when being polite: 您们 is hardly ever heard in speech. Staff often speak to a group as 大家 (dàjiā, everybody) or 各位 (gèwèi, everyone).

Chinese names put the surname first: in 王浩 (Wáng Hào), 王 is the surname. Titles come after the surname: 王先生 (Wáng xiānsheng, Mr Wang), 张老师 (Zhāng lǎoshī, teacher Zhang). To ask someone's surname politely, say 您贵姓？ (Nín guìxìng?); the answer is 我姓王 (wǒ xìng Wáng).

People are often addressed by a title or a family word rather than by their name. 阿姨 (āyí, auntie) and 叔叔 (shūshu, uncle) are friendly words for adults of your parents' age, even strangers. Friends and colleagues put 小 (xiǎo, little) or 老 (lǎo, old) before the surname: 小王 for someone younger, 老李 for someone older. Use these only with people you know.

At work, the job title follows the surname: 王经理 (Wáng jīnglǐ, manager Wang), and for a company director 王总 (Wáng zǒng).

The choice can change within one conversation. A manager may tell a new colleague to drop 您, and friends who say 你 to each other switch to 您 and job titles as soon as one of them takes a work call. Listen to how people speak to you and follow their lead.